How to Stop Feeling Busy All the Time - The Muse

How to Stop Feeling Busy All the Time - The MuseHow to Stop Feeling Busy All the Time America began to acknowledge its cultural obsession with busyness a few years ago, when Tim Kreider wrote the now legendary piece The Busy Trap for the New York Times. Nearly three years later, while ur culture certainly hasnt changed, an admitted addiction to busyness has at least transitioned from groundbreaking jurnalism to mainstream conversations. While I fall into the category of people who are typically the biggest busy-worshippers (a working mom, educated, middle class), I always assumed that I wasnt a part of the crowd. I write about media and culture and parenthood, for goodness sake Surely, I couldnt blindly succumb to a cultural trend. But then, over the holidays, when my great-aunt asked me how Id been doing, the words, Good- but so busy Crazy busy sprung forth from my mouth, and I realized that Im just a drone impersonating a self-aware person.Maybe Im being a little hard on myself, bu t because busyness has become a status symbol- a sign that you are in demand and thus important- its easy to default to the word busy to describe your life. When we tell people that we are busy, in many cases what were trying to say is, The activities that consume my day are important. I feel overwhelmed because I am busy, but my busyness is mandatory because Im contributing so much to the world. When we feel busy, we feel like were winning at life- like were doing something right and maximizing our productivity.But our insistence on staying busy can have damaging effects on our mental well-being more stress, exhaustion, burnout, and an inability to focus on the present. Ive resolved to make 2015 the year I stop feeling busy. And, based on the research Ive done so far, it wont actually require doing less- it will simply require changing the way I think and speak. Want to join me? Heres how to get started.1. Stop Talking About Being BusyFar too many of us have made So busy the automa tic answer to How are you? It has essentially become a replacement for a standard answer like good or fine, when what were really trying to say is Successful Wanted Admired Instead of telling people that youre busy, try talking about what youre actually doing- the accomplishments that are making you feel busy and thus making you feel proud. For example, Im doing well I just got a promotion and its given me the opportunity to travel quite a bit more. Avoiding the compulsion to constantly insist that youre busy will actually make you feel less busy (and, as the Americans Use of Time Survey has shown, were not nearly as busy as we think). 2. Stop Multi-tasking During Leisure TimeThough research shows that we have plenty of leisure time in our lives, weve become accustomed to multi-tasking during our downtime- meal planning while we watch television, checking our email while were out to dinner, watching a webinar while were working out. Writer Hanna Rosin describes this phenomenon well in her response to Brigid Schultes book Overwhelmed Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the TimeTo be deep in the overwhelm requires not just doing too many things in one 24-hour period but doing so many different kinds of things that they all blend into each other and a day has no sense of distinct phases. Researchers call it contaminated time, and apparently women are more susceptible to it than men, because they have a harder time shutting down the tape that runs in their heads about what needs to get done that day. The only relief from the time pressure comes from cordoning off genuine stretches of free or leisure time, creating a sense of what Schulte calls time serenity or flow. But over the years, time use diaries show that women have become terrible at that, squeezing out any free time and instead, as Schulte puts it, resorting to crappy bits of leisure time confetti.Make sure to not only carve out time for yourself, but to actually acknowledge that youre on the leisure clo ck. Dont multitask- enjoy the downtime, and mentally label it as such. 3. Rethink Your Definition of Self-CareWhen we think of self-care, we often focus on our physical well-being getting a massage, exercising, taking care of our skin. But we shouldnt define self-care so narrowly. In her book Thrive, Arianna Huffington identifies the Third Metric of success (i.e., a redefinition of success that goes beyond the two traditional metrics of money and power) and breaks into four components well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving. While she begins with well-being, which includes taking care of yourself by getting plenty of sleep and staying healthy, she considers lifelong learning, meditation and mindfulness, and community involvement equally as important in achieving and defining success. If we make room in our lives for this broader definition of self-care and accept that it is not a distraction from but a contributor to our success, well be one step closer to escaping the busy vortex. We should prioritize our mental health just as highly as our physical health, and acknowledge that intellectual pursuits (like reading, writing, and learning) can be just as relaxing (perhaps more so) than a mani/pedi.4. Outsource and Delegate More than You Think You ShouldModifications to our thinking and speech patterns can be incredibly powerful, but Im sure you might be thinking, But I really am busy. I dont have a spare minute in the day. So I feel compelled to include at least one strategy for actually being less busy, as opposed to just feeling less busy. Let me share with you a tip that executive coach and Entrepreneur columnist Sumi Krishnan recently shared with me At the end of your day- every day- write down two things that you did that someone else could have done for you. They might be administrative tasks, housework, or simply to-do items that someone else could have accomplished just as easily. The next day, delegate those items. You may think that youre a master delega tor and that youre maximizing your productivity every day, but this simple habit will help you measure your delegating skills each and every day. Photo of busy woman courtesy of Shutterstock.